I Don't Want This
by Ai wa Senjoudesu
Summary: Prequel to "Was She Ever Mine?" ... I don't want this ... not anymore ... I'm so terrible ... But Seiya is ... And Mamo-chan is ... I'm so horrible!


Disclaimer: I do not own the following anime and its characters. All rights go to the amazing Naoko Takeuchi.

AN: This is the prequel to "Was She Ever Mine?" and it's from Usagi's POV. Takes place about a year before WSEM? occurred. So I hope that y'all enjoy this as much as WSEM?

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I sat on the windowsill, looking out into the rainy night without giving any indication that I was aware of anything around me as a pair of midnight blue eyes danced around in my head.

_Seiya ..._

I wonder what exactly is he doing right now since we've last met up with each other a few weeks ago.

I let out a sigh and wrapped myself up inside of my blanket a bit more, trying to give myself some comfort to ease my thoughts.

Leaning my head back against the wall, I closed my eyes and prepared to get myself lost in dreamland ... at least I hoped to when I heard ...

"Usako?"

I opened my eyes to look into midnight blue eyes and almost felt my heart leap out of my chest when I realized who it was.

Forcing a smile, I wrapped my arms around towel-clad Mamo-chan and said, "Finally! You're out of the shower! I was about to fall asleep."

Mamo-chan smiled down at me, helping me up to my feet and responded back, "I couldn't help it if the shower was so relaxing."

I mock pouted and hugged him. "Even more than me?" I looked up at him with my best puppy dog eyes.

He shook his head and replied, "No, Usako. Nothing is better than you, though I can prove it if you're not satisfied." Then he kissed me on my lips heated, lovingly despite how in the inside I felt disgusted with myself.

I allowed him to pick me up, wrapping my legs around his waist reflexively and felt him lay me down on our bed, crawling on top of me.

I resisted the urge of wincing from how heavy he is as he laid on top of me, treating me in a way a lover is suppose to while making me bare before him.

I closed my eyes as he looked me up and down hungrily and with love. I used to feel so desired and loved whenever he used to look at me like that, but not anymore ...

Not since the first night with Seiya ... I felt my heart flutter at the mention of that night.

How intense, how satisifying, how magical, and most of all how good care he took of me compared to Mamo-chan.

Mamo-chan always treats me like glass, always careful and acting like I might break by one touch while Seiya ... he treats me and makes me feel like a woman.

He always makes me feel on fire whenever we're intimate, even when we're only sitting in a room together.

Oh, what am I thinking?! Why am I thinking about my lover at a time like this?! I'm with my boyfriend for crying out loud!

I shouldn't be thinking of Seiya at a time where Mamo-chan and I are becoming intimate.

But ...

I turned my head away as Mamo-chan's lips caressed my neck.

But I can't help, but feel dirty whenever Mamo-chan and I have sex together. It feels as if I'm being unfaithful to Seiya, even when we're not officially a couple.

Seiya makes me feel alive and loved while accepting me for me. Mamo-chan always makes me feel like a child or a little sister whenever we're together while also making it seem like I'm an embarrassment to him.

Oh Seiya ... I need you right now ... I don't want any of this anymore ...

I closed my eyes, forcing myself to block out the traitorous thoughts flowing through my mind as Mamo-chan whispered sweet nothings into my ears whilst making love to me.

"I love you. I love you. I love you, Usako, " Mamo-chan keeps repeating, making me stiffen internal as he pounded into me before he reaches his climax.

He kisses my cheek as he rolled off of me and uttered out lovingly while caressing my cheek, "I love you, Usako ..."

A tear streaks down my face once I heard his breathing even out as one thought swam through my mind.

I am a woman who is dirty and have sinned ...


End file.
